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Is Your FWB Getting Clingy? How To Uncomplicate Things

A man and a woman, FWB, laying in bed together.
Pexels/Ron Lach

What are the rules for friends with benefits? Most FWB are of the understanding that both partners will share a sexual relationship with each other, yet remain single and free to date others without consequence. While FWB can seem like a care free arrangement, feelings will likely form over time.

When A FWB Forms Feelings

One partner is almost always certain to develop intimate emotions for the other. The emotions may happen without awareness. Your FWB may say that they only want to be f*ck buddies, but if you notice they’re getting clingier, or get upset that you’re seeing other people, then it means one of two things.

Reason 1, Your FWB has feelings for you and desires to be in a committed relationship,

or…

Reason 2, Your FWB wants to be free to screw around, but wants you to remain “faithful”.

So, which is it? Well, first you need to have a nice honest conversation with yourself and understand what it is you want. Are you truly divorced from romantic feelings? And only desire a friend to have sex with? Are you actually okay with your FWB seeing other people? If just being FWB is sincerely all you desire, then you should probably have a talk with your partner. Because, if this FWB is getting clingy, then they clearly want more than just casual sex.

Reason 1

Your FWB has feelings for you and desires to be in a committed relationship.

In FWB, Friends Comes First

How do you and your FWB spend your time together? Is it really just casual sex? Or do you cuddle, watch movies, have deep conversations, and do all the things a traditional couple would do (without the commitment)? If it’s more than just casual sex, then your clingy FWB is going to end up getting hurt when they realize you’re not serious about entering a full-on relationship. And if you truly care about this person as a friend, you need to be honest with them. Even if you have been honest, you need to be MORE honest. FWB is just that, friends with benefits, and friends comes first.

Read Between The Lines

Consider their perspective. Even if your FWB says they’re only looking to hook up, their clingy behavior indicates otherwise. And its your responsibility as a friend to respond to that behavior appropriately. Take the initiative and have that conversation. Approach it with kindness. Let them know that they’ve been a little clingy lately, and it’s okay! While each situation is specific and unique to the personalities involved, you need to be clear that you have no intentions of entering a relationship with this FWB. Once you’ve had that honest heart to heart, the ball is in their court.

They’ll generally respond with:

  • Let’s just be friends then, no more sex
  • I can’t do this with you anymore, goodbye, or
  • I want to keep doing what we’re doing anyways (sex usually happens right after this one).

Remember, your FWB is the one who is more vulnerable, they have feelings for you! So, whatever their decision, its your responsibility as a friend to support them, to be there for them. They may choose to continue. They may want to call it off, only to change their mind later and come back for more sex! If your FWB chooses to continue, they will probably end up getting hurt, as you have no desire for a relationship. But at least they know now what they’re getting into with you. You have done your part as a friend, and should continue to.

Reason 2

Your FWB wants to be free to screw around, but wants you to remain “faithful”.

This is likely not your friend. They don’t have genuine feelings for you. It’s a selfish reason, and this insecurity will only cause more stress in your life. You’re better off moving on. But if the sex is just that good, or if you’re just really into them, you may be tempted to continue on. Should you continue as FWB with this person, proceed with caution. Don’t let them manipulate you, and be sure to take care of yourself.

Feria’s Last Call

FWB can be fun! They’re an opportunity to explore yourself. The real benefit is not the sex, but being able to explore this journey of romance, emotion, & sexuality with a friend. Just know that if FWB is strictly your position, you have a responsibility to be a friend first. And if you’re lucky, you’ll both develop feelings for each other and seal the deal.■

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