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Self-Validation, Because You Were Always Enough

A woman looking in the mirror for self-validation.
PEXELS/Sora Shimazaki

Self-validation can feel like it’s not enough. When it feels that way, we’ll often seek it elsewhere. While a little bit is okay, seeking too much validation from others can backfire.  

Seeking It From Others

We can have varying desires for validation from others. Validation may be sought from family, friends, a professor, a lover, whomever. That desire for validation can be healthy, if sought in moderation.

But some of us go through phases where we seek constant validation. Validation by the week, by the day, by the hour. The validation becomes an emotional addiction. If we don’t receive our required desired dose, our insecurities are amplified by our own imagination. At that point, the desire is no longer healthy, for anyone involved.

How does it get to that point? Maybe this person we seek such constant validation from, is perceived to have high social status. Maybe we’re just infatuated with this person. Or maybe, we lack the confidence to find value in self-validation. Yes, it can be one of the most challenging parts of life.

Don’t Push Them Further

You crave validation from others because whatever your relation to them, they’re important to you. And in likelihood, you care for them. Understand this though. This person whom you seek such strong and constant validation from, will only be pushed further away when you demand such an unreasonable share of their attention.

Consider that you really do care for this person. You care for their well-being, their happiness. Right? Then you need to be aware that they have a life of their own to live. You might even be the most important person in their life, but their attention towards you can still become exhausted. Energy is scarce, and this includes emotional energy. You don’t want to emotionally exhaust someone you care for.

Now, consider the mutuality of your need desire for validation from this person. Do they have a similar desire for validation from you? Probably not. So, why should you seek such validation from them?

Looking Inward, Self-Validation

Somebody can love you without feeding you constant validation. So, if you find yourself seeking constant validation from anyone, it probably stems from an insecurity issue. Look inward to that issue. Try to understand why you carry it. Then ask yourself, what is more important? Feeding into that insecurity? Or maintaining meaningful relationships?

Because the more consumed you become in your insecurities, the more meaningful relationships you’ll end up damaging, or worse, losing.

While it can be the most challenging thing in life, self-validation will liberate you from those insecurities. The confidence that this brings will only strengthen your relationships, with your family, your friends, your lover, and most importantly, your relationship with yourself.  

Feria’s Last Call

Self-validation will strengthen your heart and your relationships with others. A little validation from others here and there is nice. But it doesn’t need to be constant or excessive. It certainly doesn’t need to become an emotional addiction. Look inward for all the validation you need. Because while you desire validation from others, you only need validation from yourself. And I promise, you’re enough.■

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