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Getting Over Self-Pity, And Learning To Love Yourself

A man playing chess against himself in the mirror. We are often our own worst enemy, but it is best to love yourself.
PEXELS/Vlada Karpovich

It can be challenging to love yourself. You’re often your own worst enemy. But nothing is stopping you from loving yourself really, except for you.

So we’re clear, I’m not telling you to say “I’m only looking after myself, and screw everybody else!” No, I’m saying you should love others, and love yourself. That’s all.

It seems to come so naturally to some, especially those we look up to. Whether it’s a friend, singer, or fictional characters, we are gravitated towards confidence. We admire the bold characters, who exude confidence in their own abilities, their own being. Characters who keep fighting, even when they feel like quitting.

We want to know what that feels like, to have that sense of confidence for ourselves. We want to love ourselves. But for some, the very thought can seem impossible. So, we resort to self-pity, feeling sorry for ourselves.

Love Yourself, Drop The Excuses

We’ll find excuses to not love ourselves, to further our self-pity. These excuses are self-imposed, manufactured by our own imagination.

  • I’m not enough.
  • I’ll never get things right.
  • I don’t deserve to be here.
  • I’ve made too many mistakes.
  • It’s selfish to love myself.

It can feel like you’re cursed. Like there’s a dark cloud or a demon following you around, and things are just always meant to go wrong for you. Well, the truth is, many things will go wrong for you. You will fail, you will make mistakes, you will miss opportunities, you will feel guilt, and at some points in life, you may come to hate yourself.

Love Yourself, And Love Others

Here’s the thing, every single person on this Earth will experience these inevitable parts of life, even your greatest heroes. In this regard, you’re really not that special.

So, the story you tell yourself about how cursed you are, is entirely made up. It’s a self-imposed story that’s detached from reality. And you can choose to stop telling yourself that agonizing story. You can choose to stop being so timid in your efforts. In fact, it gets to a point where your self-pity becomes unattractive to those around you.

The excuses you constantly tell yourself are not only preventing you from loving yourself, they’re also interfering with the happiness of those around you. Do you seek constant validation from others?

While those closest to you will always love you, they will only put up with your self-pity for so long before they move forward with their own lives. Loved ones can only give you so many motivational speeches before they realize that you need to make the choice for yourself, to find confidence in who you are.

Pitying yourself, being disappointed in yourself, is inevitable. But you don’t have to stay there. You can choose to move on from it. Don’t let it hold you back from living your own life. And certainly don’t let it get in the way of loving others.

“You can stop being part of a mistake, starting now… Find something to believe in, and find it for yourself. And when you do, pass it on to the future.”

-Hideo Kojima

And when you finally get a taste of what it feels like to love yourself, you’ll begin to notice the power it brings into various parts of your life. You’ll notice shifts in your emotional energy. Loving yourself will ignite a fire within you that perhaps, you never thought was possible. The feeling will bring you closer to reality, your life’s tasks, and those you love.

Feria’s Last Call

You get one shot at this life, one go-around in this universe. You can waste time pitying yourself, or, you can choose to love yourself right now. Choose to be proud of how far you’ve come. Find things to look forward to. Things don’t need to be perfect in order for you to make that decision. While self-indulgence is a problem, it certainly isn’t selfish to love yourself. So, you can love yourself, just as you love others. And you can do it now, in Feria forward fashion.■

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